I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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