youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
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