i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
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How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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