I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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