I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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