I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Randomize
