I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
