I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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