Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
