this boner is exhausting
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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