There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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