I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
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Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
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I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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