I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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