is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
