I am midnight drunk by noon
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
My liver just had a heart attack.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Randomize
