All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
