Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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