Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
