I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
