i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
