I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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