we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
