I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Did you just see the Batmobile???
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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