walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
