I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
