and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
