insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
