Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
