omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
so much tequila, so little girl.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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