so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
