she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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