Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Randomize
