I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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