Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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