How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
