Cold hands, warm shart.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
