Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
