Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
