you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
