He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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