Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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