I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
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