cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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