Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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