I only kidnapped one of them. chill
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
