Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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