playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
