So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
