it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
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