did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
