We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
