I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
