I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
