You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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