she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
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You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
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Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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