My nipple is on Facebook.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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