i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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