Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
