tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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