Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
