she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
