I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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