Midget sex pt 2 tonight
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
