We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Need sex. Gaining weight.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
