don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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