We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
