Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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