I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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