This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
