Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
