We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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