Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Hippo gnu deer
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
